Just hit print and...nothing happens

My printer decided to get sick when I needed it to work the most. At first it hid its illness (that sick bird in the flock syndrome) and printed a few pages, but then it sounded as if it were going to produce sausage--whining and grinding and groaning
--and decided not to produce anything at all, except its little, irritating, flashing light. My computer screen displayed the "Printer Isn't Working" notice (as if I didn't already know that, thanks) and despite all my efforts, including bopping the printer on its cover, it still wouldn't print. Then the cartridges went askew and would not move into position. They got stuck in neutral and hid behind the opening so I couldn't see them. I chastized them and reached in, grabbed the cartridge closest to me and pulled it. The computer screen then displayed the message, "The Cartridges are Not Moving". Oh really...I didn't realize that except for the fact that they weren't moving. The lights were flashing, the cartridges were stuck like epoxy glue and other whizmos hidden deep inside the printer were doing their best to grind rocks (or at least that's how it sounded), so I concluded that the printer was broken. (I didn't go to college for four years for nothing!)

The next day after work, I went to a few stores hunting for a printer/scanner/copier that wouldn't cost me half a week's wages and found one at Wal-Mart that also had a fax function for $70 and bought it. My work hours have been too crazy this week to install the printer, and I have learned through many negative experiences and near breakdowns not to install computer components late at night when I'm tired. It's a formula for serious schizoid behavior on my part when things don't go smoothly. I waited until this morning when my mind is about as clear as it's going to be (can a person have a cataract on her brain?) I removed everything from the box, and became concerned when I saw the length of the directions and lots of wires and plugs and parts...oh my! But I set about installing the printer. I finally got all the right wires going onto the right ports on the computer and plugged into the right places and gingerly put the CD into my computer CD/DVD "player". All was going well until the very end. The screen told me my computer had successfully installed the printer. I even printed an alignment page. I was feeling confident. I was feeling cocky. I had done it without a hitch, well, except for dropping the printer on my dining room table and putting a nice little dent in it--the table not the printer. Then I chose a Word document and hit print...and nothing happened. I checked to see if my new Lexmark was the printer of choice on my computer and it was. I checked to make sure everything was plugged in and on. It was. I tried again. Nothing. Finally, I saw the screen throw up the proverbial wet blanket in a message that said my printer and computer weren't able to communicate with each other and the Internet. I knew I was past my expertise, so I called Barrett (my youngest son) and asked him for help. I would have called Bryn (my daughter), but she'd taken a vow of silence after surgery and I can't read sign language over the phone. We had a firewall/security issue. He "walked" me through it. I learned something more about the technical side of a computer and installation issues. We fixed it together and voila, my computer and printer were best of buddies and the Internet joined the clan and printed out my page. I have been redeemed. I no longer have to get up a half hour early to get to my office to print out personal items. I have been converted. I'm a believer. Life is good.