Styrofoam helps us learn patience

Never break any styrofoam items into little pieces. Now you don't have to be a genius studying physics at MIT to figure this out, but, if you do break styrofoam into little pieces, it a) goes everywhere, b) defies all efforts to retrieve them, c) clings to just about everything but your fingers--see b), d) scatters as if there were a secret wind blowing them into little nooks and crannies, and e) plays hard-to-get when you try to stick your fingers (which once seemed slender and nimble, but have suddenly become awkward and the size of Vlasic pickles) into the little recesses where styrofoam bits like to hide. I like games as much as the next person, but I don't like being outwitted by a piece of chemical globulence, so I've taken a vow of non-breaking-of-styrofoam for life.

But it isn't just the nervous picking-apart activity that gives us this little challenge in our lives. Ever unpacked a computer, a new phone, a crock pot, a set of dishes, some glassware, etc.? They're packed in styrofoam and, as careful as you might be in unpacking whatever it is you purchased, individual beads of styrofoam run hither and yon despite your best efforts. There are simple solutions to eliminating the frustrating experience of chasing after bits of flotsam styrofoam. Don't ever purchase anything again that is in a box. Only buy soft things that are on hangers, or folded over cardboard or that you can view 100% to insure there is no styrofoam lurking in hidden places. Your life will be limited, but you can always borrow from friends, unless they have taken the no styrofoam vow also, then you can turn to stealing or only buying what is sitting on the shelf at the store (without any packaging). If the clerk refuses to sell you the store sample, you can kick, hit, grab the item and run. If you're not a speedy runner, I will come visit you in jail. Another solution is to give the item you need to someone as a gift, and then as your friend or family member is unpacking it, they will have the styrofoam issues all over their carpet and couch, etc. You will then declare that there is a flaw in the item and you absolutely cannot let them keep it and you will return it for a new one. You can then take that unpackaged item home and buy your friend or family member a new, still-in-the-package replacement. See how easy it is. Very large items or items that are very expensive may not fit into this "gift" giving scheme, so you may have to learn to live with smaller versions of everything you need. Fortunately, cars and houses do not come packed in styrofoam, so you'll have a place to live and you'll be able to drive to work and shopping (limited to stores that don't sell anything requiring styrofoam packaging, of course). And this is how styrofoam helps us learn patience...and a simpler lifestyle.