Job huntin'...where's my rifle?

I am currently looking for employment...mostly in all the right places. I am registered with two agencies, I search the Internet daily and read the local newspaper classifieds.

So far I have had one "real" interview, one mini-interview with a human resources person who appeared to be as uninterested as she could be, and a few e-mail responses saying "thanks but no thanks". It's discouraging because I know I could do any of the jobs, for which I apply, in my sleep. I have "dumbed down" my resume so potential employers won't think I want to be the president of the company or expect a fantabulous salary with a gold parachute (and a jet plane to boot). Hopefully, that will bring in a few more interview opportunities.

This "bloggity" is not to complain about what a pain it is to search for a job--which, incidentally, is true. Just think about it--you're selling yourself, hoping that someone wants to buy your "act" and hire you, and when you do not receive a lot of positive feedback it can be discouraging. You also spend a lot of time second-guessing yourself thinking about your resume--is it too much, too little, and wondering if your references to herding dinosaurs as a youth highlights your age issue. But, back to the point at hand, which is not to whine about what isn't right or fair, but to discuss some of the peculiarities of test taking for employment agencies and companies seeking employees.

I recently took a test for a US Census management position consisting of 29 questions about workplace/management issues. Part of my adventure the day of the test included arriving 45 minutes early at the library branch where said test was to take place. I signed up for a library card and sat at a reading table with the "Wall Street Journal" in hand. I was so proud of myself for finding the library
--tucked back into a strip mall with no signage at the street side entrance, creating an opportunity to drive throughout the parking lot and mall searching for any sign of librariness (and people wonder why the illiteracy rate is high!), and I was proud that I was early thinking that would help me be calm and prepared for the test. The testing was scheduled to begin at 1:30PM, and, at 1:05, a library staff member approached me and asked if I were there for the census test. "Yep, that would be me!" Well, she said, "The test is at another branch today, so you'll need to go there. You're the second person who came here by mistake." Let's see, I spoke with the US Census scheduler-of-tests and was told to come to this library, but that was just a little government joke, a test of resourcefulness and driving skills. I was given the new location and directions to get there and I put on my Mario Andretti persona and proceeded to drive down the highway of life--at 80 miles an hour, praying that all the Kentucky State Troopers were on lunch break.... Fortunately, no one got in my way en route and I arrived only five minutes late. I rushed into the library and was directed to the room where the test was being administered. Voila!! No one but the test administrator was there and she was pretty dang casual about what time it was. Two more people showed up and at about 2:00 we started. (The efficiency of our government at any level is a topic for another whole blog entry.) We were given only one hour to complete our test. Now you're probably thinking that answering 29 questions in 60 minutes is a piece o' cake, but these questions made my eyeballs roll backward and I felt dizzy--kind of like I felt while racing to get to the test site on time. Remember those horrid math questions we all took for college--"If two people get on the train at Blah City, and three people get off, and the conductor drops his ticket puncher, how long will it take to get to Freeze-Your-Rump, South Dakota?" Well, these questions made those pale in comparison. And we were told that we should choose the "best" or "closest" answer. So, with only two minutes per question, I started a mental argument between my better side and my better-get-it-right side on every question. Oh, and did I mention that there was a little "story" or table or example that you had to review before you could make your "best" guess. Whatever confidence I had when I walked into the test room, disappeared as my brain fought to find something familiar in the fog of the US Census quiz. I thought my brain had turned to gray jelly and I swear I could hear it sloshing about in my head as I tried to reason my way to the correct, or should I say, best answer. I finished about 10 minutes before the time was "up" and was told that I did very well on the test. Not sure what that meant--possibly that I could print my name legibly and remembered my social security number and birth date. Probably. We'll see if anything comes of this little mental exercise. Three hours and $8 worth of gas later, I arrived home. I'm not sure I am capable of managing an office and crews of census takers (enumerators is the official title, just in case you were dying to know this) after this experience. I may just be one of the millions counted.

Finally, I must also note that one of the tests I took on-line while job hunting in California (before my move to Kentucky) required knowledge of corporate decorum and dress. I don't think I did well on this test. I think smacking someone alongside the head when they're uncooperative saves time and energy and pretty much gets the point across as to who is boss. As for wardrobe appropriateness, I do know how to clean up pretty well, but I question which corporation or company in America has a need to know whether I believe that taupe should be included as a "corporate" color along with navy, gray, and black. I'm thinking that the questions should be more like--"How much of your belly should be visible to clients and your colleagues?" or "Is cleavage a good sales tactic or just plain distracting?" or "If your flip-flops make too much noise whilst you walk about the office, will it lower the worker productivity or, if you walk fast enough, speed things up?" There aren't many work places these days who have any fashion requirements or dress codes, but I guess those who do will hire the fashionistas even if they can't function. At least they'll look spiffy in their corner offices or cubicles and perhaps this will become the theme for an episode of "The Office".... Meanwhile, my search continues and I have vowed to occasionally wear taupe to an interview just to thumb my nose at corporate America!