And you are from what planet?

We are approximately one year and a lot of yank-your-hair-out ads from the presidential election. Only people living in a cave, under a rock, duct-taped to a steam pipe in some seedy basement, or under the "you're grounded for life" edict from a parent in 1949 don't know what lies ahead in the next 360 days. We will all be subjected to tedious, name-calling, bizarre, embarrassing political advertisements. We will see grown men and women saying and doing very stupid things and the best part is, these politcos are paying a lot of money to do this. Hey, if you want to say and do stupid things--you can do it for free. I've been doing it for free for many years. It has cost me a few friends, family members with long memories, acceptance as certain places of business, etc., but, I still did it all for free and it was not done so that millions of Americans could watch me in disbelief wondering if I had bent over and my brains fell out or whether there was anyone worth voting for in a November election.

There will be bunches of ads to get us through the holidays--there'll be no Merry Anything or Happy Whatever this election year, and by the time we all get our heavy-laden credit card bills in late January or early February, there will be bunches of primaries to confuse the election process even more. Ho, ho, ho! Personally, I think I'll vote for the fat guy in the red suit who gives funny names to reindeer. He's starting to make appearances in October now, so why not have him out and about all year long. At least he's cheerful, he works well with people, especially little people, he's giving, he doesn't ask much--just a couple of cookies and a glass of milk, he's used to running a business a.k.a. North Pole R Us, he can delegate--"On Dasher, On Dancer...", people are happy when he's around, no one in Congress will dare veto his bills or give him a hard time unless he or she wants a stocking full of coal and his or her name on a list of "naughty" people. So, there you go, the perfect candidate and he won't need to spend a lot of time explaining his program, because every kid understands it--be good, get a gift; be bad, nada. He won't have to expend hours trying to figure out what he believes, or what his constituents believe and he won't have to spend hours in the gym or try to hold his stomach in when he's out in public or to be fashionable at all hours. He's happy to be roly-poly and to wear the same outfit all the time. So let's hear it for Santa for President and let's get cracking on getting his name on the ballot. "Now dash away all..."