trying to find logic where there is none

I'm listening to my sister talk to her husband about the problems we are encountering with out mother. She celebrated her 85th birthday tonight and for her that was a milestone. For us, the situation with her (and her refusal to yield when she can no longer function at certain levels) is a millstone around both of our necks. We can rationalize about how she can't help what is happening to her mentally or emotionally. We can use logic to explain the situation to ourselves. We can set goals of tolerance, forebearance, charity, etc., but when it comes to the reality of the situation, it comes down to one, main theme--when an individual's logic goes (and their need to be in total control stays), everyone connected to that individual pays a big price. It doesn't matter what excuses we verbalize about why she does or doesn't do something. It doesn't matter how we view the situation and from what angle. The result is still the same. We are dealing with someone who will not listen, will not allow others to help her when she is making mistakes that others (that would be my sister and me) will have to rectify, clean up, resolve, counter. We are trying to find logic and help her to find logic in her decision making (or lack thereof), to leave the world of denial and recognize the reality of her life in the here and now, and we just can't help her to rediscover it to bring some sense of order to her confused view and approach to life. It is like trying to explain to someone why red should not be his or her choice of color while working in a ring full of bulls, when he or she insists that red is a great color, a favorite color, and that everything will be fine. We scurry out of the ring hoping we won't be gored... It is a scene from a novel or an old movie, not something we want to experience in our lives, but experience it we are. Ole!