Gray matters...

You know you are getting old when you walk into a room and you can't remember why, but leaving the room and returning doesn't help because you forget why you're leaving the room and sometimes you forget to return to the room. You stop, stand very still and you try thinking, "Why did I come in here?" But, the only noise you hear is a series of little cracking sounds and they are coming from your cranium and you realize that your gray matter is brittle and it is shattering into little slivers because you are putting such pressure on it. Shaking your head is not a good idea because these little slivers are pointy and they will impale themselves on what is left of the good, non-brittle parts of your brain and your brain will start to look like a sea urchin and you will get a terrific headache! The best strategy is to always carry notepaper (sticky notes are my favorite) and a pen with you at all times. As your little lightblub begins to glow and a teensy idea emerges, you can write it down. Then, when you go into "the room", you will know why. You won't have to strain your brain or drain your brain, you'll just have to read the sticky note. It is important that you do not put sticky notes on your forehead. First of all, you'll just look weird and demented and the nice men in white suits will be coming for you soon, and second of all, you won't be able to read the sticky note unless the room you enter has a mirror and if you leave the room you wanted to enter to go to find a room with a mirror, you might get confused and not know why you entered the room with the mirror and then your sticky note, written for another room, won't make any sense and more of your gray cells will begin to crackle and you'll look like an arts and crafts decoupage project gone wrong. I believe that crackling gray cells spread their joy by making your skin crackle as well. People who get Botox injections are just kidding themselves--they may look smoother on the outside, but we know what's happening up in that noggin of theirs... We'll have a whole generation of elderly men and women with smooth skin, dyed hair, whitened teeth (mostly their own), Lasik surgered eyes, but their ability to think won't be worth a lemonade stand in the Arctic.