The mothership returns...

For all my millions of fans, well, okay couple of fans, I've been absent. I was abducted by aliens, turned into a cranky old person and returned to the earth with less hair, a softer, wider middle section and I can now do a mean imitation of a weeble (weebles wobble but they don't fall down--well those of us who live where it snows and gets icy might be exceptions to that rule).

I made it through Christmas and New Year's without mishap. I made it through a couple of flurry days, but today we actually had some snow--only about 1-2"--but enough to make walking an interesting and dicey event. I took my Mom to a dental appointment early this morning, came home and decided that I am much safer inside the house than out (and, who knows, the mothership might be lurking out there waiting to pick me up again and take more of my wispy hair and gracious manners away--okay, my manners aren't that gracious, but neither are yours if you're pointing that out to me!). I was actually working most of the day--there shall be no holidays for the wicked and the hairless cranky! And now I've fulfilled my every obligation and am planning on having a yummy dinner and some couch time--something the creatures on the mothership don't understand or approve.

Tomorrow I'll have to slip into something appropriate, then I'll have to venture out onto the slippery sidewalk to get into my car and then drive on the slippery roads to get to work. I guess all this slipperiness is really appropriate since my mind has been thinking slippery thoughts for quite some time now. Speaking of which, my stomach is telling my mind that it had better force my being into the kitchen and slip it something good to eat. Then I'll slip onto the sofa, slip a diet drink and watch some TV--always a slippery activity. I think I'm done with all this silly, slippery speaking, so I'll just slip off to take care of din-din and a little R&R.

Perhaps the mothership will come get me and restore at least some of the brain that I misplaced during the security check post-boarding....excuse me. My slip is showing.

Will all the turkeys please stand up...

and leave the room...quickly...before anyone remembers what we do to turkeys at this time of year.

It has been a long time since I've put fingers to keyboard for the purpose of blogging. I'd like to find a suitable excuse for this lapse, but I put them away somewhere safe (in case I needed one) and now I can't find them. So here's my lame excuse. Is that like a lame duck president? And who made up that term? How many of you have observed ducks with limps anyway? Who can tell if a duck is really limping since they walk so funny to begin with? My excuse for not blogging for quite some time is that I didn't have any extra...time that is.

I finally landed a job (like landing a lame duck?) and started working full-time. This has put a real crimp in my down time activities such as napping, snoozing, lolly-gagging, drooling while dropping off to sleep, staring out the window, staring at fuzz on the carpet, staring at my invisible friends (and Wilbur) because they won't join in the conversations I have with myself. Now I have to get up early, get ready for work and act human most of the day. What fun is that I ask you? Answer: not a lot. However, the up side is that I can pay my rent, buy food, pay other bills and have some left over for gifts at this jolly time of year. So, other than missing all my free time and sleeping in a lot, I guess I am pretty happy to have something to do that is productive (and, no, drooling isn't productive unless you're licking a lot of ancient postage stamps or envelopes).

I promise that I probably won't wait so long to blog again, but, then I now work for the Federal Government, so you know how much my promises are worth...penny for your thoughts!

Where does the time go?

It probably goes to the same place as all my memories, and I'm not sure where that is, which is why I can't find some of my memories either....

It's been a busy couple of weeks--for campaigning politcos and me. I didn't get elected (and neither did at least half of those running for office), but, although I was running, it wasn't for public office. I was just doing my usual running around to get things done and then collapsing at the end of the day.

My sister and I moved our Mom here to Kentucky in mid-October and much of our time the past few weeks has been taking care of her needs, setting up her apartment, etc. That is beginning to slow to a trickle of tasks. She has all her furniture, all the items that were shipped are unpacked and put away and she's beginning to get into the schedule at her new place. Meanwhile, I have finally found some employment--it's tough out there for anyone seeking a job--and I start training tomorrow for two days and then the real work will begin in earnest in about two weeks. I'm taking advantage of my last full day of "freedom" (also known as unemployment) to clean house (now isn't that a clever use of time), work on some art projects and get a leaky tire fixed (see, I do know how to have fun).

I still haven't figured out where all the time goes each day (kind of like trying to understand where all the money in my checking account goes), but I'm okay with that as long as I can still remember mostly what I've done and where I've been. When the "mostly" turns to "rarely", then I'll be concerned. Although, by that point, I guess I won't care because I won't be able to remember enough to be concerned...or care. Now what was it I was supposed to do after I finished bloggering? Hmmmm.

Fly me to the moon...

No, wait, don't! My sister and I just returned from a very short, long trip. We flew from Kentucky to California, spent four days packing up our Mom's stuff (and throwing or giving away lots and lots and lots and lots and...well, you get it), and we just returned late last night. Mom is moved in to her new assisted living facility, but her state of confusion is pretty dang high right now and that doesn't help my state of confusion, which always seems to be on "orange alert".

I have been remiss in not writing on my blog for quite some time--not that anyone out there is clammoring for me to "Write more, please!", but I do miss my cathartic exercise in verbiosity. For the next few days I will be straightening out my Mom's finances, finishing what is necessary to get her everything she needs for her new place--some of the "lots of stuff" shouldn't have been pitched, but what the hey!--and working on an editing job I have with a group in Singapore. I think life will return to normal in the next week or so, but I won't be returning with it. I like being weird and a little left of "regular"--hey, does that make me high octane or in need of a prune? Anyhoo, I will bid all my faithful readers good night and I'll move on to my Excel spreadsheet and the fun and joy of financial wizardry.

American political scene

It's a scene all right. An accidental scene and I'm not sure there are any survivors.

I haven't been able to bring myself to watch the presidential and vice-presidential debates. I had a choice among 1) hitting myself in the head with a club full of pointy objects, 2) poking myself in the eye with a sharp pencil, 3) banging my head on the wall 12 times in succession, or 4) watching the debates. I determined that #4 was the most paintful, and I didn't like the other three very much either, so I read a book or watched HGTV (still my favorite channel). I knew I wouldn't get anything substantive out of watching the debates, unless you consider massive indigestion substantive, and I was low on Tums, which was one of the deciding factors. Well, that and the thought that TV programs should be fun to watch, entertaining, enlightening, uplifting, or informative, which the debates are not. I'll wait for the Economist magazine's edition in late October, where I know I'll be able to read an objective dissection of what each candidate really believes, has done or plans to do. Meanwhile, I'm declaring myself to be a "plaid" voter--a little red, a little blue. That's in honor of my Scottish ancestry...

November 4th may be the last day we have to endure campaign ads, but I have a terrible feeling that we will hear analysis of the race, the tactics, the results for a very long time. Who elected the media anyhoo? I think we need a referendum on the next ballot that limits political "after-thoughts" by any person involved with the print, video or audio sectors of the media. We could limit all analysis and commentaries by the media to mimes. Silence is golden....

odd names...and pastimes

People say they have a "pet peeve". What I want to know is what is a "peeve"? I've checked all the local pet stores and no one seems to have such an animal, mineral or vegetable.

Is trying to find a pet peeve kind of like a snipe hunt, where unsuspecting "first-time" campers are sent out into the woods, late at night to find a snipe to capture with only a bag and a skimpy flash light? Of course, all the campers are in on the joke except for the "new kids on the block", who want so badly to be initiated into the seasoned campers' club. Almost everyone who has ever gone to camp has earnestly sought the elusive snipe. And decidedly everyone has never caught one. What newbies do catch is 1) a cold from being out on a damp night, 2) "on" as is finally figuring out that they've been had by the twisted and mean upper classmen of camping, or 3) heck from the adult camp staff, who have forgotten what it was like to be a kid, dragging a gunny sack along, calling out "Here snipe, here snipe" somewhere in the middle of the woods. Even normally kind children, who make it through a snipe hunt, are willing to subject new camp attendees to this little initiation rite of passage.

By the time we're grown ups, we probably won't fall for snipe hunts, so we invent adult versions of them. One of these mythical adventures is called searching for the perfect job--one that has minimal hours, maximum pay, no boss, more holidays than Hallmark has cards, two-hour lunches, five breaks a day, Christmas bonuses larger than the GNP of most countries, 12 weeks of vacation (paid--not only the days off but all expenses incurred on said vacations), as many personal days as you want and need in order to deal with personal issues such as hang nails, chipped nail polish, a run in your panty hose (or hair socks if you're one of those Ralph Lauren/no sock kind of guys), waking up to find that you just don't feel like working, etc. I've been searching for the past two months, and all I've been able to find is dust bunnies under my bed, the missing cap from my toothpaste tube, the hiding place for my extra set of car keys--see how good my hiding place was; it took me two months to find them. Maybe there's a job for hiding things. I would definitely qualify if there were.

Meanwhile, my search for a pet peeve continues. If anyone out there knows where I can find one, please call me. Meanwhile, I will continue to look for the perfect job. I'm not sure I will be able to let you know if I find one, because I'll probably be on vacation or taking a personal day or holiday or a break or a long lunch, so I'll be out of touch. Hey! Maybe I am qualified for the perfect job. Everyone in my family tells me I'm out of touch....

Let's play, "I win...you lose!"

Isn't that what the banking and financial institutions have been doing as of late? And guess what, lots of people have lost and will continue to lose. This is not warm and fuzzy news. I guess if we want that kind of news, we'll have to go to a pet store and buy some.

Meanwhile, is anybody out there in charge? Is anybody out there willing to raise a hand and say "I'm responsible for some of this mess"? Is anybody out there taking the long view when planning business ventures, expansions, financial products and instruments and the possible fall-out and consequences if everything isn't right with the world? Did anyone, at any time when variable rate mortgages were introduced ever think this was only a good idea when rates when down and the people paying the "bill" were favored? Did anyone, at any point in time think that it was a good idea to assign variable rate mortgages to people trying to buy the American dream (a house) and being stretched to the max to do it, and that somehow "it would all work out"? Did anyone ever think about the fragility of the variable-rate mortgage market (and its customers) and the extreme results that would occur if interest rates were to move even a few percentage points north? When the real estate market started to soften in late 2005 and the banks and mortgage companies continued to hand out sub-prime and questionnable standard mortgages to individuals and the foreclosure numbers started to creep up, did anyone wonder what all the banks and mortgage companies were going to do with re-possessed houses? Sell them in a soft market for a lesser value than the mortgage being held--since most were almost 100% value mortgages? When the sub-prime collapse occurred, did any of the financial institutions holding mortgages or heavily invested in them wonder if maybe they would be better off keeping people in their houses, letting them pay a fixed mortgage rate thus averting a massive foreclosure situation, putting people out on the street, adding to the ever-growing real estate marketplace woes and their own financial instability--basically cutting their financial noses off to save their faces? Anyone who studies a mortgage agreement can see that the money made by the banks and mortgage companies over the life of a 30-year loan, even at a low, fixed rate, is a lucrative, profitable way to make money. By greedily demanding mortgage payments that had increased decidedly, if they were variable rates, the financial institutions struck a match as they held mortgagees feet to the fire. Unfortunately, for them, they held onto the match too long and were themselves burned. It's a little bit like the "Sorcerer's Apprentice" where the servant in the house gets lazy and likes things being done easily. He thinks of a brilliant idea about how to take care of business without so much effort, so he conjures up some magic and the broom brings buckets and buckets of water--taking care of what needs to be done, but the broom takes on a life of it's own and does not know when to stop and floods the whole house, doing great damage. There's no magic to sound financial principles and their effect. There's also nothing Mickey Mouse about applying them--they never go out of style or on an errand unchecked or unbidden.

And are any of the financial institution executives available to discuss what went wrong and how to prevent a recurrence, or are they too busy packing up their golden parachutes so they can bail out? While we're at it, let's give a big shout out to the SEC and other agencies that are supposed to be watching over the markets and the financial/banking institutions. Oh, and I'd like to ask the folks at AIG in particular how they all just figured out last Sunday (when they should have been in church praying fervently for forgiveness and guidance) that their company was about to do a big old belly flop!

All this pride and greed, arrogant thinking processes, no concern for the little guy (and this country is mostly made up of us little guys who go to work everyday, work hard, earn our pay, pay our taxes, have no hope of or need for a lavish salary or lifestyle and don't feel it is due us), failure to assess the future with simple analytical studies basic to any business school--best case/worst case scenarios, prone-to-believe-their-own-press, making no room at the table for the "older" generation (who lived within their means, without credit cards or loans for anything other than cars or houses, without Blackberries or iPods or iPhones and mostly without a lot of use for the word "I", and who lived through wars and depressions and very difficult times) have brought us to a very steep precipice which is fearsome. Now everyone is wondering why? How did we get here? A little study of the past 20 years will be enlightening and answer those questions. The point, beyond knowing how and why, is to ask what we can do--each of us--to clean up the mess (and it's a complicated mess), plan for a better, more measured future, (perhaps not as flamboyant and full of young Turks who want to make extreme salaries and receive bonuses that are more than the GNP in many Third World nations while proposing "creative" money-making schemes that will line the pockets of American financial institution and send a few coins their way, while they pick the pockets of the average citizen and risk losing their pants in the process). As much as we don't like the idea of our government stepping in and regulating the private sector, when the private sector behaves badly, arrogantly, without consideration for their behavior and in a cavalier and reckless manner, then someone has to be responsible for restoring order and preventing further destruction. If the private sector wants to remain so, it needs to develop some decorum, some manners, some civility, but most of all, it needs to govern itself in a responsible manner that takes into consideration everyone involved, not just the fat cats at the top. Isn't there just a little irony in the fact that the private sector doesn't want government interference...until it needs an $85 billion bail out? Yep. And when major corporations and financial institutions falter and fail, everyone is involved whether they had a say in how things were handled by these entities or not. At least, when the government steps in, we, the people have an opportunity to make our voices heard, become part of the process even if only in a small way. It isn't that I believe our government is run by geniuses at all levels, and we're in good hands like the Allstate ad claims, but it's better than closed meetings, closed minds and the closing of vital and important businesses in our nation.

Let's not play, "I win"...the stakes are too high.