But you've used up all my ink...

Can anyone out there tell me why receipts and order confirmation forms printed from the Internet are more than one page long and always in a gazillion colors? Is there some kickback scheme between the receipt designers and the ink cartridge cartels? Hmmmm. I just want a receipt that is in black ink, less than one page long, no logos, no cartoons, no hyper-graphics, just "here's what you bought, how much it cost, when it will ship, the cost of shipping, the order number and an 800 number to call to track or check on an order." I don't think that's asking too much. But for whatever cosmic crashing reason, all the receipts and order confirmations I print out could serve as TV test patterns for "best display of the most colors and nuances of colors used on a single page"! And third in line in the ink splurging department is Mapquest. It likes to print a teeny, tiny map in multiple colors of streets and highways and public parks and rivers and other such not-interested-thank-you items on a full-sized piece of paper in addition to the only thing you really want which are verbal directions from your place to the place you want to go. And just try stopping your printer mid-map. The printer pretends it "hears" you, and then it continues to print, print, print until it gets to the next to the last line on the page and then, "bingo" it stops. Thank you ever so... If Alfred Hitchcock were alive, he'd be writing all kinds of murder mysteries involving computers driving people crazy enough to strangle the life out of the local Staples sales clerk to whom you pay hundreds of dollars weekly for ink cartridges just so you can have colorful receipts and order confirmations in your "pending" file. But, alas, he has already left this world and he wisely did so before the age of computers took over and forced us to work two jobs (or hold up the local grocery store) just to pay for the new software, the latest flat screen, the megalolly memory card or those pesky ink cartridges... Maybe we can start a grass-roots protest to force the Amazon.coms of the world to return to the black and white era...where Mr. Hitchcock would feel very much at home.

Are the stars out tonight...

Tonight is one of several nights when we can see a spectacular display of comets and meteors. Having read this on AOL, I duly put it on my calendar for tonight and tomorrow and then sallied forth from the comfort of my house into my backyard to watch said "light" show. The AOL site said to find the darkest place for viewing with the least light pollution or overhead street lights, etc. to maximize the effect. I live in a smallish town so light pollution is not a big deal here--not like NYC or other urban places that are sucking all the energy out of the earth in order to light up buildings all night that are empty and unproductive during the overnight hours. Nope, YC is not a burb of anything and gets pretty dark at night when all of us hicks blow our candles out and head to bed...just kidding, we do have electricity here. And, if we forget to blow out our candles, our houses burn down, but that's another story. Anyhoo, I thought I'd go into my backyard, sit in a chair and enjoy nature's fireworks tonight. I walked out my kitchen door into the garage--trying to avoid turning on any lights so I could get the maximum benefit, I crashed into my recycle garbage can and spread refuse every which way. I turned the light on so I could clean up the mess and then I grabbed a flashlight, turned off the light and opened the door from my garage into my back patio. It was very dark out there. Perfect, I thought. Now I can have a good view of the sky. I stepped onto the patio and my motion detector lights instantly came to life. So much for not having any peripheral light to spoil the sky show. I had to wait about 3 minutes for the lights to go off. I guess my brain was waiting too because I stood still, not moving a muscle, thinking that somehow the motion detector lighting would figure out I needed the dark back and would turn itself off faster. It didn't. Finally, the lights blinked off and I silently shouted "Huzzah". But, as soon as I moved again to take a chair to my side yard the lights came on again. Obviously the light bulb in my skull was no match for the one above my patio door. At last I was ready to watch and my security lights had turned off. Unfortunately, I forgot about my night blindness and the length of time it takes for my eyes to adjust to the dark. I spent many an hour in planetariums with my children, staring into blurry darkness while everyone around me oohed and ahed over the constellations, the summer and winter skies, etc., and all I saw was what appeared to be a dark gray blanket on the ceiling. Knowing that it was late and I was tired, my options were--be stubborn, stick it out and possibly find myself slumped over in a lawn chair at dawn with no recollection of any meteor or comet sightings, dew forming on my rumpled clothes and bugs playing tag amongst the three hairs on my head or go inside and plan better for tomorrow night. The stars can wait...

Whose turn is it...

Tag, you're it...

Liar, liar, pantyhose on fire

The weather forecasters here (almost all female, thus the reference to pantyhose in the title of this post) said it was going to cool down for the week and that we would have temps in the 80s. Well, they lied. Yep. It was cooler today, but we're back into the 90s for the rest of the week. Do you think that they will get a cut in pay for handing out this erroneous information? Perhaps even get fired for outright lying to people who are desperately seeking some cooler weather? Nope. They'll just stand in front of that big weather map and smile their little whitened toothy smile making more promises for relief from the heat until you want to bash your TV in. I have learned from experience that bashing in the TV doesn't change the weather, the quality of weather forecasting programming, the lies and deception foisted on us, the unsuspecting and hopeful public. It does however cost a lot of money to have the TV repaired or replaced and your knuckles fixed. And that coverage you bought with your TV that costs almost as much as the TV will not pay for the damage you have done. That falls under the "abuse and misuse" of the product category and so now both the weather forecaster and the TV coverage protection people are in cahoots, making you think you've got someone on your side, when you really don't. The only thing you have on your side is a hip, and, if you've been spending enough time sitting around, watching the TV weather forecaster and writing checks for extended TV warranties, then you've got a lot on your sides--both of them...

Well...I never!

I was just starting a brilliantly conceived blog when my internet connection decided to slice itself in two, breaking the line between me and my thousands of devoted readers (all invisible of course). It was unceremonious and now the thoughts that were whirling about in my brain, turned into dervishes and whirled themselves into a wad of dust! Hmph!

Guess I'll have to be brilliant another night. Meanwhile, I spent the time waiting for my connection to get its little act together by deleting every file I didn't need on my computer. It was fun. I do like hitting the delete button. If only I could do that to get rid of Monday through Friday...I'd be rich and certainly better rested. And I'd like to hit the delete button for a few people I know, but somehow, I think I'd just get the message on the screen, that would tell me those "files" were in use and I can't delete them. Guess I'll just have to resort to the "Esc" or the "Ctrl"/"Alt"/"Delete" instead...

It's almost 10 o'clock do you know where your children are?

Answer: Yes, but I'm too tired to care. I've decided I'm going to be one of those reckless, I-don't-care-kind of parents, who let their kids run into the traffic, wander around the stores where the perverts loiter (I guess I'll have to start going to R-rated stores or something to make this happen), eat food that's been sitting in the sun too long or that has a rainbow-effect glistening on its surface...you know the kind I'm talking about. I'll get tatooes, wear sleazy outfits, not wash all three of my hairs for a few days, drink out of a can and crumple it with one hand, drive around town without my seat belt and slouched down behind the wheel with my left arm hanging out the window. Of course, it doesn't look "cool" to do that in a Mitsubishi sedan, so I'll have to spray paint weird stuff on my car and re-upholster it in red velvet and have some dice hanging from my rear view mirror. Hey, I can be a neglectful, slobby parent like we see in the movies and on TV...and in the Wal-Mart here. Matter of fact, if I can black out a tooth or two, I might win some kind of local contest at my upcoming 45th year high school reunion--like the Classmate Who Has Changed the Most! I'm a shoo-in for that title. Well, it's time for me to get going with my extreme makeover, so wish me luck and if you want to know what I'll really look like after this transformation, visit my daughter Bryn's blog--brinni27.blogspot.com and look at the picture of the doggie just below the picture of the blonde who is tongue disadvantaged!

sweat equity

I've just been handed a pink slip of sorts--my company is going to phase out of its little business in the next couple of months unless something miraculous happens, so I'm starting my own project management/interior design consulting business. That means I get to work all day at one job and then come home and work all evening to create jobs to take the place of the one that is ebbing away. I'm beginning to be no fun from all of this work, work, work and it does make Jack (or Jan) a dull person. But not having income would make Jack or Jan a very cranky, hungry, and homeless person, so, "Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to work we go..."